100 Things I Emmett Cullen Am not allowed to do!
by The Real Emmett Cullen
Summary: NOT ALLOWED TO DO!


THINGS I EMMETT CULLEN Our Not Allowed to do…

After Breaking Dawn.

* * *

"Emmett Read the listed and following list." Carlisle said.

"why I don't want to listen to these rules." I said.

"Emmett." he said.

"Fine." I said rolling my eyes. i'm

not allowed 2 walk around at Halloween labeling little kids wannabes.

not allowed 2 dye Rosalie's hair a different color – and blame it on Alice

not allowed 2 take any experimental pills of Carlisle's

not allowed 2 run into the school and yelling, 'Help it's the end of the world Rosalie lost her hairbrush.

not allowed 2 steal Edward's car and give it a joyride – ever

not allowed 2 attempt to hack into the CIA's headquarters to steal top secret plans

not allowed 2 go to the Principal with Nessie and have her tell him she caught Edward and Bella doing X-Rated things in the janitors closet...

not allowed 2 call Mike Newton saying that Bella and Edward want them to have a threesome

not allowed 2 go around telling people that Carlisle is actually Voldemort...

not allowed 2 give Renesmee a card with a picture of the Loch Ness monster on it

not allowed 2 turn up at Carlisle's hospital, running through the corridors screaming, Daddy? DADDY WHERE ARE YOU?

not allowed 2 sit in the middle of the road meditating – it doesn't matter if you're indestructible or not

not allowed 2 start sobbing hysterically at lunch saying that I'm fat, ugly Monster

not allowed 2 tell Renesmee that late at night once she's fallen asleep her parents are up making lots of other little Renesmee's

"Emmett Cullen you better Not, You know we Cant." Bella Yelled at me.

"I Wont." I said.

"Mommy what is Uncle Emmett talking about." Nessie asked

"Nothing." Bella said.

not allowed 2 go running around after Edward singing love songs, pretending he broke your heart

not allowed 2 graffiti _anywhere_ saying 'Carlisle is too sexy for his shirt'

"I thought of this one." Esme said. I rolled my eyes .

not allowed 2 ring the police saying that you've seen a large amount of guns hidden in the back of Edward's Volvo

"Charlie would be pissed, his daughter marry a man in the mafia." I said.

"yeah and he would be all happy, that she married a Vampire." Edward said.

"Touché." I said

not allowed 2 tell people that Carlisle and Esme kidnapped you as a child and that you've been raised to be incapable of love

"Why would you do that Emmett." Esme Dry sobbed.

"I put that one in there, I heard him thinking about it." Edward said. I glared at him.

not allowed 2 report Carlisle as a suspected terrorist

"Haha can I do that." Jasper asked.

"Jasper do you need a list of things your not allowed to do." Carlisle asked.

"Yes." I yelled.

"Everyone start thinking about things for Jasper." Esme said.

not allowed 2 go around screaming that Edward was trying to seduce you

not allowed 2 replace any of Edward's CD's with any Britney Spears or Katy Perry songs

"Why Not I like those artist." Nessie said. I laughed.

"Ness but I don't like them." Edward said she Frowned

"Pretty Please." she did the puppy eyes. Edward signed.

"We will get you there Cd's." Edward said, what a pansy.

not allowed 2 run into Carlisle's hospital screaming, 'daddy! What are you doing to them? WHY DADDY, WHY?' In fact, just generally do not visit Carlisle at work for any reason unless it is an emergency

"Yo we should do this Emmett." Jasper said.

"Jasper ive already got 30 for you." Edward said. Jasper Frowned.

"Pretty Pease." Jasper tried puppy eyes.

"NO." Edward shouted. Nessie Reached for Edward.

"Daddy Pretty please." Nessie Said.

"Um I guess." Edward said. Jasper high 5ed Nessie.

not allowed 2 try to take Jacob for a walk with a leash

not allowed 2 Walk around school in a bear costume telling everyone 'You Are What You Eat'

not allowed 2 Convince myself I have a twin

not allowed 2 Cross the Quileute border just to see what happens

not allowed 2 Play with matches

not allowed 2 Ask Jasper to make Edward feel insecure and then tell Edward that Bella's having an affair with Mike

not allowed 2 Walk into Alice and Jasper's room when they're "doing it" and say: "Oh sorry. Wrong room!"

"You Better Not." Alice said.

not allowed 2 Steal Edward and Jasper's clothes while they're in the shower after Gym

And tie them to the top of the flagpole

not allowed 2 Put Any Family videos On You tube.

not allowed 2 tell Charlie that Edward use to sleep in Bella's room.

not allowed 2 To Rap, Whatever you like by T.I.

"why not." I asked.

"Because last time you did, you gave tons of lust to jasper, and jasper gave it to everyone else, and Edward had to buy a new piano." Carlisle said, I laughed at the memory.

not allowed 2 Make fun of Bella And Eddie's Sex life Because I lost the bet.

not allowed 2 hack Neisse's Myspace and Photoshop her kissing Alice..

not allowed 2 Run through the school yelling, "OH MY GOD, HE'S HITTING ON ME!" and pointing at Jasper.

not allowed 2Scream "STOP STALKING ME!" and run around in circles after Bella says, "Hey Emmett, can you help me with something?"

not allowed 2On Halloween he is not allowed to dress up as Aro Volturi and say that he is very evil and ugly and creepy and old and gay.

not allowed 2to buy shock collars for the werewolves.

"But Carlisle I like that won." Edward complained.

"No he isn't allowed to Edward, Continue the list Emmett." Carlisle said.

not allowed 2 tell little kids that Drinking Blood gets you a Big Body.

not allowed 2 pretend to be Indiana Jones.

not allowed 2 cannot blow anything up. Ever.

not allowed 2 CONSUMED Dynamite . EVER.

not allowed 2 hum "Sexy Back" when someone else's girlfriend walks by.

not allowed 2 tell people Jasper is Bi polor.

"Hey that's not fair he is." I yelled. Edward laughed.

"I Am Not." Jasper Screamed.

"Whatever Go take you Anti depression." I said he lunged at me.

not allowed 2 Tell people Jasper is Emo and Cuts himself.

not allowed 2 Tell people Edward is gay, And Being with Bella and Having Nessie is a cover story.

not allowed 2 sing Clumsy When they talk about Bella being Human.

not allowed 2 Say Carlisle Robbed a Bank.

not allowed 2 Say that Alice Cheated at the lottery.

"Hey But she Does." I said,

not allowed 2 destroy this List that they family has made.

not allowed 2 try and Fly after What Happened.

"What happened." Nessie Asked.

"Oh well it was year after you were born." I was cut off.

"Read the next thing Emmett." Edward said.

not allowed 2 talk about what happened.

"Whatever." I said

not allowed 2 use Raccoons as Mass destruction.

not allowed 2 go to Volturi and tell Jane to Bring it on, but have Bella Shielding me. And Jane wouldn't know.

not allowed 2 mess with Esme's good table cloth.

not allowed 2 call Edward "a violent little boy" when Edward tries to attack him when Emmett thinks about Bella in a bikini.

"Um why do you think of me in a Bikini." Bella asked.

"To Piss Eddie of." I smiled.

not allowed 2 perform surgery. Or transplants.

not allowed 2 steal the President and ask him if nation treasure is real.

not allowed 2 Baby Sit Nessie without someone on the phone with him 24/7

not allowed 2 try and Take over the World.

not allowed 2 Tell Aro that Caius is Gay

not allowed 2 put up posters Saying Keep Bears Kill penguins.

not allowed 2 tell people that Bears taste better.

not allowed 2 get a Fan fiction.

"Um To late Carlisle." I said.

"fine you can keep it just No Stories about us." he said I rolled my eyes Yeah right.

not allowed 2 Steal all of Bella's bras...

not allowed 2 take Nessie to forks and "accidentally' met up with Mike Newton.

"What would happen if I did, I would just tell him you have a child, and a another one on they way." I said.

"that's why your not aloud to." Bella said.

not allowed 2 tell people Bella has a bun in the oven.

"So if Bella is Cooking and she has Buns in the oven, Im not allowed to tell them." I asked. Bella rolled her eyes,

not allowed 2 Tell Rose that The Bears our better.

not allowed 2 be on the computer for more the 12 hours.

not allowed 2 sing Hot N Cold, and point to Jake and Edward.

not allowed 2 Claim to have had wild and crazy sex on Eddie's piano.

not allowed 2 Claim to have had wild and crazy sex in Edward's car.

not allowed 2 claim to have wild and crazy sex with Bella.

not allowed 2 claim to have Wild and crazy sex with Edward.

not allowed 2 claim any of the 73-76 in the lunchroom.

not allowed 2 Refer to jasper's Empathy as "Jasper feminine problem"

not allowed 2 Paint Alice's 911 Turbo a color other than yellow

not allowed 2 Ask Rosalie if he she thinks he needs a breast reduction, so that his chest will be smaller than hers

not allowed 2 Call Debussy "elevator music" in front of Edward

not allowed 2 Officially declare the third Saturday of every month "Seduce Carlisle Day"

not allowed 2 Hold Alice's favorite pair of shoes over her head so she has to jump for them

not allowed 2 Call all Texans a bunch of hicks in front of Jasper

not allowed 2 Wear Rosalie's make up and clothes to school...

not allowed 2 fake sob and tell the guidance counselor that I Feel like my family is pressuring him to be with Rosalie, and that I'm unsure of my sexuality and who I really am.

not allowed 2 Hum the Jaws theme song whenever Alice walks by

not allowed 2 Tell the NSA that he overheard Carlisle make a threat on the President's life

not allowed 2 Ask little girls in a creepy voice if they like puppies

not allowed 2 Pretend to fall asleep in class

not allowed 2 Imagine Bella naked in Edward's presence just to annoy him

not allowed 2 Replace all of Esme's cleaning supplies with paint

not allowed 2 Start a Vampires Anonymous group And invite all the goth/emo kids at school to join. Tell Jasper to come 2

not allowed 2 Speak only in third person for days

not allowed 2 Write things such as "Prada is 4 prudes" and "Dolce & Gabbana is crap" all over Alice's school supplies

not allowed 2 Tell Bella's friends that Bella and Edward are both into really kinky exhibitionist stuff, it's why they're so Perfect for each other.

not allowed 2 tell people I talk to Rosalie's hair, and it talks back.

not allowed 2 set Wal-Mart on fire.

not allowed 2 laugh when he hears noises from Carlisle and Esme's Room.

not allowed 2 Steal nuclear warheads to improve them. Correction: Im not allowed to steal anything, including but not limited to government property, underwear, kitchen utensils and cheese wheels...

"I hate this list." I said

"Good." Everyone else said.

"Jasper's list time." I shouted/

* * *

_**Ill Put Jasper's up soon..**_

_**Love TREC.**_

_***The real Emmett Cullen.***_


End file.
